Behind the Scenes at the Debate

Good News!  We got an exclusive interview with Internet-expert and widely-ignored political analyst Jordan "Jojo" O'Mara (shown -->).  Jordan "Felony" O'Mara was at the presidential debate last night and has agreed to give us his insights (as well as some exclusive photos).  Here it is:

Me: In your opinion, who won the debate?

Jojo: The terrorists.  Here's why: Nobody threatened to kill Osama bin Laden.  Next question.

Me: In your opinion, who lost the debate?

Jojo: Barack Obama lost, because he had fewer interruptive outburts.  John McCain made a brilliant move when he shouted, "ZERO?!"  Check and Mate.  In this country if you want to get anything done you have to yell.  Next question.

Me: In your opinion, which candidate was balder?

Jojo: Listen, I have three degrees in political science, not 'biology'.  Bald is as bald does.  Next question.

Me: Based purely on racial stereotypes and jokes about old people, which candidate do you think would win a game of one-on-one basketball?

Jojo: Barack Obama is an elitist and only plays lacrosse.  John McCain has alzheimers and does not remember the rules to basketball because it was invented well after he had aged past the sports playing age.  Therefore - stalemate.

Me: That was not the answer I expected.

Jojo: Well, sometimes the truth is shocking.  Next question.

Me: Who will win the election?

Jojo: I just took a representative sample from my workplace.  Bob Barr will win the election with 100% of the vote.  As a political scientist, I understand how to conduct surveys in a statistically sound manner.

Me: You didn't let me finish; I meant the North Carolina gubernatorial election.

Jojo: Oh.  Let's talk about the IT gubernatorial election instead.  Philip Rhodes.  He is a risk taker.

Me:I have no idea what you're talking about. Is this elitist insider jargon?

Jojo: YOU HAVE INSULTED ME FOR THE LAST TIME.  THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!

Me: Wait, wait.  I'm sorry.  What was the best moment of the debate?
Jojo: When McCain announced he was also a member of the Alaska Secessionist Party.

Me: What was the worst moment?

Jojo: Well, there was no dancing.  Barack Obama can break it down and he chose not to and I think that says a lot.

Me: Going beyond the debate now, what's the happiest thing?
Jojo: The happiest thing is spinning out from combining lethal amounts of alcohol and caffeine.

Me: Follow-up question: what's the saddest thing?

Jojo: Excellent question.  I did not think that far ahead.  The saddest thing is a band whose sound engineer abandons them for a state with no immediate redeeming qualities.

Me: Can you explain what is occuring in this picture? (-->)

Jojo: I know, but I'm not allowed to explain it for security reaons.

Me: I understand.  Say something crazy about the debate.  I'm looking for a sound-byte to finish up with.

Jojo: Can I just leave you with a youtube clip?

Me: Sure.

Jojo: This succinctly sums up my opinion of the debate.

Thanks, Jojo, for your stunning insights.  And thank you, internet, for reading.  Feel free to leave your thoughts about the debate or this debate analysis.