Attention Subway Customers...YOU ARE NOT EATING HAM!

What you are about to read is so shocking - so...well, shocking - that I hesitate to even mention it. But, after the following information was brought to my attention, I felt that it was my civic duty to speak up.

All of the meats on the Subway Cold Cut Combo (shown) are actually TURKEY! This is not a joke! The menu says that it contains turkey, bologna, and ham. But, if you read the fine print (and if you check the website) you will find that it actually contains turkey, turkey-bologna, and turkey-ham! You are probably asking yourself, what is turkey-ham? The answer: IT'S TURKEY!

If you check the nutritional FAQs on Subway's website, the Cold Cut Combo is listed as a pork-free sandwich. Great news if you're trying to keep kosher. Bad news if you're trying to get your ham on!

You may be thinking that this isn't a big deal. But here's the thing: what if someone, for valid medical reasons, is on a high-ham diet? Maybe their doctor says, "You've got a shortage of cholesterol. I prescribe ham, at every meal!" Now maybe the patient has been eating the Cold Cut Combo, thinking that it satisfies their requirement of one serving of ham per meal. THEY WOULD BE WRONG! And, failing to follow their doctor's orders, THEY COULD DIE! Think about that!

There it is, internet. Don't say you haven't been warned.

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Movie Summaries

Here's a very funny link that I wanted to share. It comes from www.postmodernbarney.com, and contains concise and somewhat disturbing plot summaries of many popular movies. Here are a few examples:

• BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
• E.T.: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.
• GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.
• JURASSIC PARK: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.
• RUDY: Diminutive athlete patronized.
• THE X-MEN: Minority group seeks overthrow of social order.

For the rest of the list, visit http://www.postmodernbarney.com/2009/04/uncomfortable-plot-summaries/

Enjoy

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Preparing for The Kentucky Derby

The Kentucky Derby is coming up soon. Here are a few fun facts about the Derby, as well as some advice about how to name a race horse.



Fun Facts:

• The Derby is always held on the first Saturday in May.
• The traditional drink of the Kentucky Derby is the Mint Julep.
• The traditional meal is Burgoo, a stew-like dish which is basically made by combining whatever meats and vegetables you have on hand and adding chili powder until it's no longer gross.
• The fastest time ever was set by Secretariat: 1:59 to run 1.25 miles. Not bad considering that Secretariat never even learned how to read.
• Seabiscuit never ran in the Kentucky Derby, but if he had, I'm sure he would have won. That horse knew a thing or two about running.
• All of the horses are on steroids. Seriously.
  

How To Name a Racehorse:

If you have ever watched a horse race, you might have noticed that all of the horses have stupid names. Apparently, it's part of the perverse pleasure of owning a horse to be able to say, I have a race-horse that is worth millions of dollars and even if I give him a stupid name, people will have to take him seriously. I'm sure, at some time or another, you have come up with a hilarious name and secretly wished that you could give a child that name, only to realize that it would be cruel. That is what horses are for, so that you can use those names. Anyway, here are a few of the names I would consider for a race-horse.

• Triple Bypass
• Speed-Donkey
• Winner of The Kentucky Derby
  
• Brown Streak
• Peter, Paul, and Mary
• My Little Race-Pony
• Your Ad Here! (1-888-ADSPACE)

Unrelated Video:

This guy holds the world record for most claps in a minute. I can tell he would be the life of any party.



What would you name your race-horse? Leave the names below!

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Obama v. Pirates

Saw this chart online. I don't know who to credit it to, but it is pretty awesome:


In fairness, though. Had T. Roosevelt had the opportunity to kill pirates, my guess is that he would be leading the pack, but alas, he was too busy working on the Panama Canal.

If any president were to fight a pirate one on one, I think that Ford would stand the best chance of winning. He was a college football player, so he probably knew how to take a guy down.

Any thoughts about presidents? Pirates? Leave them below!

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Cat

This was typed by my cat, Dmitri Mendeleev Mikkelsen, as he walked across the keyboard.

l;l;l;l;l;l;l;l;l;l;l;l;l;l;l;l;l;l;l;

And here is a picture of Dmitri when he is not typing.

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