Apples, Ranked From Best to Worst

1. Fuji - The Fuji apple (pictured) has it all: sweetness, crispiness, and a good firm flesh. This is the undisputed champ.
2. Honeycrisp - The only apple that really stood a chance against the Fuji, the Honeycrisp is - the name gives it away - crisp and has good density. The flavor is sweet with a bit of tartness. I am VERY excited about this apple, and in a few years, it could be on the top of this list. Currently, it sits in second place primarily because it is 1) more expensive than other apples and 2) I have had a bad Honeycrisp, while I cannot recall ever having a bad Fuji. Could we say that this apple is Rocky Balboa to Fuji's Apollo Creed?
3. Gala - This apple boasts function over form - outstanding sweetness and flavor with a disappointing texture. When I bite into an apple, I want to hear it crunch, not squish. Hit the gym, Gala.
4. Braeburn - Honeycrisp's kid brother. Good sweetness and tartness, but it gets K.O.'d in the first round with the big three.
5. Golden Delicious - The Golden Delicious apple has excellent flavor and decent texture, but it bruises like a welterweight (I'm getting my mileage out of this boxing metaphor). Don't set your Golden Delicious down, because when you pick it up, it will be covered in unsightly and unappetizing bruises.
6. Pink Lady - Pinkish flesh feels like a gimmick, but it's a pretty tasty apple. It is a cross between a Golden Delicious and some other apple that no one cares about. Still, it's a pretty impressive pedigree. (The metaphor has changed to horse racing).
7. McIntosh - Come on, let's be honest. Does anyone really eat these things? Who goes into a grocery store, passes by the Fuji, Honeycrisp, Gala, Braeburn, Golden Delicious, and Pink Lady apples and fills up a grocery bag with McIntosh? Maybe the hardcore Apple Computer fans do, because they can't overcome the marketing associations. "I can't explain why, but it's just better than other fruits. It's just really well designed, you know? It comes with a skin around it, but rather than peeling it, you can just bite right through it. You know? It's that attention to detail. Also, my MacBook Pro really helps me be creative while I check Facebook on the free wireless at the coffee shop."

8. Granny Smith - Good for pies, but if you eat one of these things, you are out of your mind. (Pictured)
9. Red Delicious - The name is not a complete lie because they are, in fact, red. But calling these things delicious is a stretch. If you are ever tempted to eat a Red Delicious apple, do yourself a favor by drinking a glass of ice-water and taking a vitamin instead. It will taste the same, and this way you are at least getting some zinc. It's good for the immune system. I hear.

Questions for Discussion:

1. What are your top three apples?
2. Did I leave any good ones off the list?
3. Which new apple cultivars are you most looking forward to trying in 2010?