Job Hunting

The worst thing in the world is looking for a job. If anyone on the internet wants to hire me as a personal assistant, I would appreciate it. The problem is since I lost a game of chess to John, I am really needing to make much money. My interviews:


Them: So, let's talk about compensation.
Me: Right.
Them: We usually start people off at $10.00 per hour.
Me: The thing is, I might end up owing my friend a million dollars, so I was really hoping to earn somewhere in the $1,000.00 per hour range.
Them: That's more than I make.
Me: N.M.P. (not my problem)
Them: I don't think we can offer you this position at that wage.
Me: Oh, that's real BOOTSY (said sarcastically).
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Them: But we can offer you $975.00 per hour. Is that okay?
Me: $975.00 per? Flip that Diggie!!

All the stuff below the dotted line is imaginary and will never happen.

Also, this image comes up when you Google job hunt. I agree with everything it says except that the only job that makes me jump like that is one that will help me escape the crushing weight of my chess debt.