I Messed With Texas

Hello Internet. There are two things that America is not supposed to do: first, Don't Tread On Me, and second, Don't Mess With Texas. Well, this weekend, I broke the second rule. I messed with Texas.

Let me give you a little bit of Texas history. In 1836, Texas signed a Declaration of Independence that, simply put, declared that Texas was, from thence forth, politically independent of Mexico. That same year, Sam Houston defeated General Santa Anna at arm-wrestling in the legendary Wrestle of San Jacinto. The generals had previously agreed to decide the question of Texan political autonomy in this manner. When, after losing the arm-wrestling match, Santa Anna reneged on the deal, the troops were forced to fight the Battle of San Jacinto and the Texans prevailed.

In 1845, after nine years of begging, Texas was admitted to the USA as the 28th state. In 1861, a little over 15 years later, Texas voted to secede from the Union. Near the end of the Civil War, the government of Texas collapsed, resulting in several years of near anarchy. In 1870, after more begging, they were readmitted to the Union. From then on, Texas was just a weird state, which despite twice begging for statehood, maintained the fantasy that they were independent and could leave the United States at any time. They called themselves the Lone Star Republic and for some reason thought that this was impressive.

Now, please don't make the mistake of thinking that my comments are derogatory. I would never speak poorly of the place that boasts the highest per capita use of cowboy hats and boots in the world. Nor would I ever deny the right of the Texan to burn fossil fuel with impunity, or suggest that the large number of enormous pickup trucks on their roads is anything less than exemplary. All I'm saying is that I messed with Texas, as seen below:
This picture was taken at the University of Texas campus at a display they had about the Beat writers who, with the exception of Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg, no one cares about. Apparently, that dress is something from the '60s and for some reason it is important. I didn't bother reading the placard. Why? Just to mess with Texas.
Another way that I messed with Texas is by drinking mostly tap water while I was there. Let's do the math: arid state + water consumption - money I would have put into the local economy by purchasing beverages - taxes and water fees that I don't pay to any municipality in Texas = I MESSED WITH TEXAS.

After suffering defeat at the hands of the Texans in the battle of San Jacinto, General Santa Anna returned to his hacienda in Mexico. Sensing that the infamous Pastry War of 1938, in which France attacked, and was defeated by, Mexico over damages to the property of a French pastry chef in Mexico City, presented a valuable political opportunity, the general resumed command of the military. He used this opportunity to restore himself to power and establish himself as an autocratic dictator. Years later he was exiled from the country and forced to flee to Cuba. So, in a way, he messed with Texas.

In conclusion, Texas is a land with rich history and a penchant for redneckery. You can mess with Texas.

On the other hand, Texas has no waiting period to purchase firearms; purchasers don't need to complete any safety training; it is not necessary to register firearms with the government of Texas; there are no background checks at gun shows (or anywhere for that matter); no license or permit is required to purchase a handgun, and there are no restrictions on the use of concealed weapons. I didn't know any of this when I messed with Texas, but I learned it from the internet since I've been back. Maybe I won't mess with Texas again.