Linux: A Strange Program

Hello internet, does this sound familiar?: You're hanging out with friends, eating nachos, listening to Savatage, and just generally getting relaxy. Things are going well. You tell a joke and everyone laughs and says, "Dude, you are totally on fire today." You stay cool and say, "SHOW ME THE MONEY!" and everyone laughs again and agrees that that was the perfect thing to say. You spill some nacho cheese down the front of your jacket but you don't even care and nobody points it out because they respect you. Things are going really great. And then you hear someone say, "Let's talk about LINUX." BAD NEWS! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT LINUX! "What's your favorite window manager?" you hear someone say. The guy playing Guitar Hero pauses the game and says, "FVWM, no doubt. That is classic." The cute girl who you've been checking out the whole time says, "I like MUTT. It is proven," and you're like, "Dang I didn't know girls did LINUX!" You want to impress her so you have to say something.

FREEZE.

The way that you answer this question is important. You've been on a roll up until now and you don't want to blow it. You've got to think of something good to say even though you know nothing about LINUX.

This situation is getting more and more common these days. Seems like everywhere I go I overhear people talking about LINUX. Everyone is like, "I am hip, young, and sexy and I like LINUX!" So, I have taken the liberty of interviewing the Linux expert known as "Jo-Jo Felony" (shown above) about how to react in this kind of situation.

"First of all, you need to stay calm. A lot of beginners, or "n00bs" as we call them in the industry, tend to panic whenever the subject of LINUX comes up. You don't have to be an expert, or "h4xz0r" as we say in the industry, to converse about LINUX. In a pinch, these phrases will keep you from getting owned, or "pwnt" as we say in the industry."

1. "LINUX? More like LINE-UX" (Deliberate mispronunciation...High-larious)
2. "There are 10 different kinds of people: those who know binary and those who don't" (This came from a T-Shirt)
3. "The basic tenet of LINUX is to slowly replace the mouse with the keyboard. Mice are for children and idiots" (Good timing is the key to making this one funny)
4. "Look at that Penguin!" (Apparently LINUX has a mascot)
5. "I bet Morgan Freeman uses LINUX!" (A dubious supposition that probably depends on the fact that Mr. Freeman narrated the film, March of the Penguins and the fact that the Penguin somehow represents LINUX. I repeat...this one is sort of tenuous)
6. "You know who I really respect as an actor? Don Cheadle!" (Please, judge him by his impressive acting credentials, and not by this picture. That wouldn't be fair)
7. "Kill Dash Nine" (To hard to explain)
8. "Dev Slash Null" (Again, it's technical and you probably don't care)

Well, this should basically do it. Just remember, LINUX is probably the strangest computer program out there. As far as I can tell, it has no games and no internet. Trust me, this one is going to blow over fast. Someday, we'll look back and say, "Where did I leave my LINUX box? Oh, right next to my Atari and my Ace of Base cassette tape." So for everyone on the internet who doesn't do LINUX, just learn these phrases and weather the storm.

(Here's some Ace of Base for your enjoyment)



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